Monday, August 1, 2011

Moving upwards

Everything lately has been telling me to MOVE UPWARDS. I've been really feeling the last few weeks that it's time for me to expand my voice, and start work on the higher energy centers. I've felt the need to expand my yoga practice, doing more cardio and start working on my arms more, and I've needed to develop a real meditation routine. I've completed stage 1 of the clean-up, mainly involving the main floor of the house, and for a while I've been sort of avoiding moving up to my room and the piles of laundry waiting for me there and in the laundry room. Today I just kind of started doing laundry, and I got through about 4 loads. While I was putting the first load into the drier I thought to myself, it's time to move upwards! The downstairs is finished, so start cleaning upstairs! And that's when I pieced together all the signs. And I realized how ready I was to start working on the next phase. Where that leads, or where it even begins, I have no clue. But I'm just going with it.

I've been sort of half-heartedly looking for a job. I don't want one, but for a lot of reasons it looks like it's going to have to happen. However, chances are moderately good that I'll be starting school in the fall, and I've been adding items to my shop lately and I'm going to ask the boyfriend to help me market it. That's money and a social life taken care of. No, the shop isn't much income but, for now at least, I don't need much.

I was out of work for a long stretch about a year ago, and even though my shop started out ok, I lost interest, as I usually do in everything else. But this time, even though I haven't put much effort into it, I haven't forgotten about it completely, and I've been having ideas way more often. I've also realized how important it is for me to have a real personal hand in making my own living. It's not even a matter of values or opinion, I just feel that that's the direction my energy wants to go. I feel it expand when I consider the prospects of making a living with the things I create myself. It's very satisfying.

I still have the social anxiety to contend with. I realize fully now how detrimental it's been to me for my entire life. I have loving people around me who only want to be a part of my life, and I continually push them away, out of fear. But it gets me nowhere and it only causes me pain and frustration. But I am, as I've said, moving upwards. And tomorrow is a new day.

Good night, folks.