Wednesday, August 24, 2011

waiting to inhale

I kind of feel like I'm in limbo. It's not a bad feeling, but I feel like I've just closed the door behind me, but the door in front of me isn't open yet, like I'm just sitting around in this little neutral space waiting for the next change. I've always had a problem with motivation. My lesson, I suppose, is that it's up to me to make that change happen.

I admit I've been slacking, as has been the case with me for pretty much my entire life. I've always been a slacker. Well, to put it less bluntly, I've always been a thinker, not a doer. And that's exactly where I've been lately. Stuck in my head. For some reason I can't get up the will power to exercise. I don't have as much trouble leaving the house, but just getting up and getting dressed is hard. It's not that it's hard, I just haven't been doing it consistently. I guess now that I've released whatever emotion was behind it, I just need to work on developing the habit. That's where I've gotten stuck.

I'm on a mission to start getting up earlier (early) every day. I've never been a morning person, except when I do get up early, and I realize how much I actually do love the morning. I just hate waking up. But because I get up late, I feel like by the time I'm done just hanging around doing nothing, the day is half over, and by that time, what's the point? I want to do it, but for some reason I don't do it.

I guess now, everything points to the action. Time to get out of my head. Best thing for that right now would be exercise. I just have to actually do it.

Good news is, I have my first day of actual work tomorrow. I had my training last week, and tomorrow I have my first short, pre-book rush shift, just to cement the skills I learned last week. After tomorrow, the real fun starts. Hoping to make some connections at this place, but also trying to just let whatever happens, happen.

I notice I'm more willing to accept lately. I'm in a sort of "down time," but this is just the exhale. I'll inhale when I'm ready.