So I've learned a lesson I desperately needed to learn. I'm way too hard on myself. I over-think things all the time. I constantly second guess myself. I need to stop. I already realized the benefit of stopping all the worrying over where I'm going to end up, now I'm working on not worrying about how to get started. My mind has attempted to control everything I do, or don't do, but now I'm giving my intuition a real shot.
I feel as though I had been stuck in the mud for so long, that to give myself that one final push, I had to take a step back and gather up the energy. I needed a boost of good motivation, and anger was the jumpstart to that. I certainly misdirected it at first, but I see that now. Now I can move past it. Now I can remember the sensation of opening up to that energy, and directing it in a positive direction.
This is where I really have to trust myself, not only for me, but for those around me. That infamous "next step" is around the corner, I know it in my gut. I just need my boyfriend to be as patient with me as I've had to learn to be with myself =(
I'm not "happy" exactly, but I've learned the lesson I needed to learn from this situation (I'll spare you the finer details), and I've certainly not given up. This has been a difficult road already, but somehow I've managed to stay strong. Turns out God does turn up when you need it =)