Speeding things up.

Lol I make myself laugh.

I've been doing a lot of work with the lower energies, the red-orange-yellow. Security, motivation, personal power, a sense of self and family; these are things I've lacked in my life and which I am now working to build. I've come so far. So, so far. I continue to think of myself as "lacking" in these areas. But I realized. When I take a look at my energy, what I see in my mind's eye is orange. Orange is the color I can visualize the most easily and which feels the most....present. I am not as lacking as I thought I was. I'm already here. I had been fighting myself, trying to build something I didn't think I had. But I did. Lol. Silly me.

As I sit here I'm trying to bring a little focus to the higher centers, because my focus has been on the lower centers for so long. I find it's actually a little painful. Perhaps it's the headache I already have that's making the energy too much to handle right now? I know that's part of it. But a part of me also feels like my higher chakras are fueling the work that's being done in the lower chakras. As though they're saying, "Nah, we're cool up here, you keep doing what you're doing down there."

Now I feel like even focusing on the lower chakras is kind of overkill. Perhaps it really is the headache (which has been coming and going for the last few days. Part crazy baby sleep schedule, part fighting the beginnings of a cold). But then there's the part of me that feels as though....I've finally gotten somewhere. I've finally achieved something. God KNOWS I'm not fully there yet. But I'm close. I'm damn close. What am I close to? Just allowing myself to be, now that I think of it.

There's more to it than that, though. I feel like things happen backwards for me. Most people are trying to slow themselves down, take a closer look at themselves. I'm trying to speed things up, see the world around me. After a lifetime of being shut down, dead and lonely, I need a little liveliness in my life. I need a little living. For me, "allowing myself to be" means actually DOING. I've spent a long, looong time in my life doing nothing and hating myself. Lately, I've been working on doing. Allowing myself to get up and DO. I tend to trap myself. I tend to make excuses. I'm lazy I suppose. But then I end up hating myself. And where does that lead me? Hating myself. Eugh.

I left the house without the baby for the first time today. I was not as nervous as I thought I would be. She was with her daddy and in good hands. I took a good walk and got the energy flowing in my hips, which have always been tight. As soon as I brought the focus there, I thought about my daughter and felt a mild wave of guilt. It confused me and I spent the remainder of my walk wondering where it came from. Did I feel guilty that I was out without her, good as it felt to have some time to myself to walk freely and get the blood pumping? I think, it wasn't specifically that I was out without her, but that I don't get that good creative, active energy flowing as often as I should with her. Almost like she misses out on good, happy, active Mommy, and so misses out on experiencing that for herself. I was raised lazy. I don't want to raise a lazy child. She is three months old. Now is the time to begin.


On the crafty side, (or.....foodie side? Eh. Same thing, in my book.) I made applesauce! And the apples came from my own backyard. Macintosh. Love it.

I didn't put any cinnamon or sugar (GASP I know, right?) so it's just plain apples and some water and a tiny bit of lemon juice. But the plan is to freeze it (soon as I have the time to puree the whole pot) for when the Bean starts solids. So......no sugar. And seriously, homegrown apples? Who needs the sugar?


Big pot o' apples. The smell just screams autumn. And yum. It screams yum.

All my apples chopped and in the pot. Boyfriend was at work. Wish I could have chopped apples with someone. Would have been fun.
I also wish I could take a picture of a scent. Oh. Mah. God.
I was holding a supremely fussy baby while I took this picture. It was honestly the best one I could get. <3 br="br">

And just for good measure. The Bean, contemplating the intricacies of Life.

She wouldn't keep still for a shot. But that smile... *squeee* <3 br="br">

'Tis all, folks. =)

Perseverance

My first official blocking project!

These earrings came out fantabulous. Blocking is a lot easier than I thought and I don't know why I was so intimidated by it for so long. I tend to believe things are a lot harder than they actually are. Makes it difficult to actually want to try things, ya know? But, here's the result of taking the risk and jumping into it! Not too shabby =)


Here's Ellie helping out. =) "Oh how cute, she says the baby's helping but she's just sleeping aaaawwww" NO. If you've tried to get anything done while watching a baby, you know. A sleeping child is a HUGE help.

I don't know why she looks so angry here lol.

 

Also I FINALLY listed this necklace I made weeks ago! (Which you can check out at my shop: The Silver Cord)  I love this picture of the Bean and me ^_^ And incidentally my mom got me those earrings in Israel. Love'em.

 

That necklace actually taught me a valuable lesson. I had been trying to figure out how to make the cord from a pattern I found, but it made absolutely no sense. I had been all set to give up when I thought, "If I constantly give up, how am I ever going to accomplish anything? How would anyone accomplish anything without a little effort and thought?" So I kept trying, and it turned out to be so much easier than it looked at first. Not only that, it was exactly what I had been looking for when I went in search of that pattern.

Perseverance has been lacking in my life up till now. When I was younger, I would sit and think about doing things. I would plan things out to great detail in my mind, turning them around and seeing every possible outcome. But when it came to actually doing those things, I failed miserably. It was like I had lead on my legs.

But lately I have...energy. There are still days when I get stuck on facebook and waste hours doing nothing. But those days (which are now becoming hours of the day rather than whole days) are becoming fewer and fewer.  Now when I decide to do something (for the most part), I do it. It's a good feeling.

Block partaaaay

I made myself a blocking board!

 That's the finished product. There are two layers of tape, vertical and horizontal, to create a grid I can use in case I need to size something perfectly. (I can't see myself needing to size something "perfectly," but ya know. Just in case.) It says "block party." I'm not as lame as I seem sometimes, I swear.

Just cardboard and tape. Most of the cardboard in my house these days is from boxes of diapers. It was garbage and now it's crafts. Love it. =) (On a side note, I'd MUCH rather be using cloth diapers. But Boyfriend doesn't want poop in the washing machine. =/ I guess I can't blame him. But I VOW, my kid will not be in Huggies forever!)


This here is the middle layer, out of three. The front is just one flat piece. Since I'm going to be sticking pins into this thing repeatedly, I wanted it to be as thick as possible. I could have done four layers, but I thought that was excessive. Plus, I'm lazy. =D

And that's the back! I put it right side out so I wouldn't have to differentiate between the front and the back. And because, well......come on, that baby is adorable, you know it's true ^_^ And that's Callie the cat! She's chillin.


My first blocking project (well, second, but first on the "official" Board of Blocking Wonders) will be a pair of earrings I finished aaaages ago and just haven't gotten around to blocking on the ironing board. That's fine though because this board needed to get made. I always neglected to block things due to the lack of a suitable surface (and aforementioned laziness). And now I have one! (A surface...not laziness. I already had that.) But seeing as how it's past midnight, the earrings are going to have to get pinned down tomorrow.

It's taking me a long time to get my Etsy shop up and running. (I don't even have anything up there right now. Sigh.) But I feel like I've been taking care of things that will make it easier to keep it stocked in the near future. Boyfriend and are I straightening out our finances, and I'm making things and learning skills that I can carry with me, rather than relying on one-time items that may or may not sell. I thought before I was building the foundation to change the way I think and live my life, but that, I think, was inaccurate. Before, I was digging the hole. Now I'm building the foundation. Small steps, small steps. It's all in the details.

Sorry my pictures suck, by the way. Haven't had the chance to pick up batteries for the camera yet, and I'm still stuck using my crappy ancient phone. Oh well.

~~~~~~~~

This was one of three side projects I have going at the moment. A few years ago, I would NEVER have had the motivation to complete even one. Or even start them. They would have been mere thoughts. But lately, I've actually stood up and done the things I want to do. It astounds me sometimes how far I've come in the last year and a half. I would question sometimes if I was headed in the right direction, leaving my job, trying to make something of my Etsy shop and whatnot. But then I look around and I see how far I've come. Where would I be if I wasn't doing what I felt guided to do? Not here.

I have to say, I'm proud of myself. I managed to pull myself up from such a bad place, it's literally like night and day. I always considered myself a "dark" person, even though I knew the light I had. Now, it's the light that wins out, every time.

What really gets me though is that that was a choice. I made the decision to change myself, and then I made the effort, horrendously difficult as it was. I truly believe now, anyone can handle any situation they make the choice to handle. Without the choice, you give up your power, being dragged wherever your life takes you without seeing where you're going, and without knowing if you're in the right place or not. But it's possible to choose to be in a certain place, to choose to have a certain frame of mind. But then doesn't it stand to reason that you can make the choice to be in the wrong place? I'd say so. But you're going to have a hell of a time trying to get there.

There are no "weak" people. There are only those who are blind, and those who make the choice to see. Nothing ever got accomplished with closed eyes. Or a closed mind, for that matter.

Now I'm left wondering, what's the difference between the mind and the inner eye? O_o Or, it feels better to say, what's the relationship between the two?